March 2017 ~ We're the Baldwin's!

First off, being a mom is the greatest thing on the planet. Somehow I wasn't prepared for how much my heart would grow and how completely in awe I would be with our tiny little girl. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words the miracle that having a baby really is. All I know is Brian's and my lives have already been completely changed and it's only been two weeks! I wanted to document all my thoughts and feelings before I forget everything. I thought pregnancy brain was a real thing but mom brain is even worse!

So, on the morning of February 22, I woke up at 3:00 am and thought I was having contractions. I had asked a million people what it would feel like when I went into labor and my mom described it best for me when she said it would be like really intense cramps... REALLY intense. I had had some Braxton Hicks contractions before but this definitely felt different. So when I woke up and was having recurring cramping sensations (only magnified), I grabbed my phone, opened up my contraction app and started timing it. When I realized they were steadily coming every 6-7 minutes, I tiptoed downstairs to lay on the couch so I wouldn't wake anyone up. At 5:00 am, they were getting closer to 4-5 minutes apart so I decided to go wake Brian. He immediately jumped out of bed ready to go and I had to convince him to get a shower and take his time getting ready and I went to wake up my mom. My mom and stepdad had arrived on my due date (February 18) and in looking back, I'm so glad I had a few days with them before Tatum arrived to show them around Utah more before I felt like I had to be secluded from all the sick people walking the streets in February. Even though at the time I was so impatient and sick of waiting for baby to arrive!

I woke my mom up and she confirmed I was definitely in labor, helped us load our bags into the car, and I told her I would keep her posted. Brian and I had decided early on we wanted it to just be the two of us in the delivery room and to have some time immediately after for just the three of us.

We got to the hospital a little before 6:00 am and they took me right up to triage to start monitoring my contractions and baby and see how far along I was. By this point my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and I was dying to lay down. I was literally only in triage for 10-15 minutes and the nurse had checked me when she came back in and told us to go home and wait it out! The doctor on rotation didn't even come in to check me, but I was only dilated to a 2 and apparently they won't admit you until you get to a 4. She said the doctor said I wouldn't progress to a 4 in an hour so there was no point for me to wait in triage and I should go home and try to relax during these "early stages of labor." I still think that doctor was on crack and I was convinced I was going to have the baby in the car on the way home. We made it back to the house and I tried to relax, but that's completely impossible and sleep is out of the question when your contractions are 3 minutes apart.

At 9:00, I called my doctor because I was scheduled to have an appointment at 9:30. I asked if they even wanted me to come in because I was in labor and just waiting to go back to the hospital. When I told her my contractions were so close and I had been sent home they told me I needed to come back immediately and my doctor would probably push to have me admitted right away. Ironically, my doctor's office is on the same floor as labor and delivery, so when we got off the elevator and I was trying unsuccessfully to walk down the hall to the doctors office, people from labor and delivery kept trying to bring me a wheelchair and wheel me into L&D. No one believed me that I had already been turned away and needed to go to the doctor!

As soon as I got into the doctor's office, she came right in, checked me and said I was at a 4 and she was having me admitted right away (At this point I could have cried thanking her for not sending me home again, not entirely sure that I wasn't). We got settled into the delivery room around 10 am and the doctor came in to break my water at 11:50 since I had been progressing so slowly and my contractions were still so close together. Shortly after they started me on Pitocin and I got an epidural which finally allowed me (and Brian) to get some sleep for about 3 hours. After upping the Pitocin twice, I jumped from a 6 to a 10 within an hour and we started pushing around 4:30 pm. Almost TWO HOURS LATER (thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion at this point, epidural or not), Tatum Jane was born at 6:25 pm weighing 8 lbs 2 oz, and was 20 inches long. We chose her name a long time ago and kept telling people we were waiting to see her to make sure it fit, but I think we both knew she was Tatum because we didn't have a single back up name going in. I saw Tatum online months ago and when I looked up the meaning, I found it means "brings joy," and that seemed so appropriate. Jane came from a trip to the temple. It was the name of the lady I was doing endowments for the first time Brian and I went to the temple after we knew I was pregnant. We didn't know at the time that we were having a girl but when I got the name, I told Brian I liked it as a middle name and if we had a girl we should make her middle name Jane, so we did!

Every single person that came into the room talked about how much dark hair she had and I almost couldn't believe it. I totally lost my bet about her having blonde hair like me haha. Because she had meconium in her amniotic fluid, we had 6 people from respiratory and the nursery in the room, just in case, when she was delivered. So much for my small intimate labor experience, but it's totally true what people say about how modesty goes completely out the window and you really can care less how many people witness your experience when it's actually happening! It was weird having three times as many people in the room to take care of baby as were there to take care of me, and I was kind of nervous about it, but all the doctors and nurses had Brian very involved and included in everything they did which made me feel better. Even though she came out screaming, her lungs and everything looked and sounded perfect and luckily we didn't need anything from respiratory! She cried for less than 20 seconds and then just looked around wide-eyed, taking everything in while they weighed and measured. When they picked her up off the scale she started screaming again and as soon as they laid her on my chest she immediately stopped crying. I loved my doctor and my labor and delivery nurse was positively incredible. She had just had her first baby 6 months ago and would tell me stories about her labor to help distract me. It was such a positive experience I would highly recommend the hospital and staff!

I thought I would cry the first time I held her but I was just so in awe. It was definitely love at first sight. I remember staring at her and not believing she was finally here and this little person was the same one I had talked to in my belly for nine months. I'm still in awe with how absolutely perfect she is and I can't believe she's already been with us over two weeks, yet somehow I can't remember what life was like without her or how we ever felt like a whole family before she was here.

I love that sometimes I'm the only person that can soothe her. I adore how Brian will come home from work or school and as soon as she hears his voice her eyes get big and she looks around for him, exactly like when she was still in my belly and she would hear his voice and start moving and kicking like crazy. I love seeing Brian with her and seeing what an incredible dad he is already. He's always down to feed her, burp her, or change her diaper and sometimes he'll take her to do one of those things and he disappears with her and I'll find them half an hour later just rocking in her glider or cuddling and hanging out. He makes up silly songs to sing to her and they always calm her down. She's definitely going to be a daddy's girl!

We only stayed in the hospital for one night and wound up leaving around 8:15 pm on the 23rd. I was anxious to get home to my own bed and let my parents have as much time with her while they were visiting as possible. It was heaven having my mom and Joe stay with us for a whole week after Tatum was born! Mom made us dinner every night, cleaned my house, was more than happy to watch baby while I got many much needed naps, and was there to help me deal with all the first time mom mishaps (mainly taking care of myself and dealing with my postpartum emotional-ness!). She came with me to Tatum's first doctors appointment on the 24th and I am so grateful for her wealth of baby knowledge and support. Also, they let us have our first date night post-baby and even though I cried the ENTIRE way to the movie theater because I hated the thought of leaving our baby behind, it was good for us and I'm glad we went haha.

The first few nights sleeping were rough and Tatum woke up what seemed like hourly. Recovery for me was hard due to the fact I have either a bruised/broken tailbone and Brian would get up, change her diaper, and bring the baby to me because it took forever for me to get in and out of bed. Since then it's gotten much better and she sleeps for 4-4.5 hour stretches at night. Because we can't seem to make it to bed before midnight, this usually means we only wake up once around 4:30 to change her and feed her. This also means Brian is only sleeping about 4 hours a night since he usually leaves for work by 5 am (especially this week since he was on spring break from school). School is super annoying this semester and we're counting down the days until he graduates next month!

Wednesday, Tatum had her two week check up and she's almost back up to birth weight (only 3 ounces off) so that was reassuring! After a stubborn rough patch at the beginning, she's becoming a nursing champ and I am one happy/relieved mama! I made Brian hold her when they did her follow up Biliruben exam at the doctor because the first time in the hospital, I think I cried harder than she did!

She loves her gray elephant boppy from her Aunt Shanna and sometimes putting her on that and holding her hand is the only way I can get her to fall asleep. She has crazy cowlicks and most of the time if I forget to fix her hair, it looks like she has a massive forehead in photos because the hair up front is so fuzzy hahaha. She can sit with a poopy diaper for an hour but if it's just a wet diaper, she will scream like a banshee until we change her! She makes the funniest faces when she hears new voices or strange noises and looks like she's either not impressed or very speculative all the time and it makes us laugh so hard! She already has quite the personality, and we love how she's such a happy baby (usually).

I'm dreading the day I have to go back to work after maternity leave ends, so we're enjoying every day off together, even when we spend it in PJs all day and don't do our hair or leave the house! ;) Luckily I'm only going back part time, and I make myself leave the house a good amount and we've started taking more solo outings together. Before my parents left, we went out to lunch on 25th street and checked out the Aerospace Museum at Hill Air Force Base so that was Tatum's first official outing outside the doctor's appointments. It's crazy how much more prep is involved in stepping outside your front door when you have a baby, but we're adjusting!

I'll add some photos to this of her first two+ weeks so far. Brian has a bunch on his phone from her first few hours in the hospital so I'll have to try to remember to get those. I swear every day I look at her and my heart breaks because she looks a little older and a little bit bigger. Time really does go by too fast! I'm so lucky to be blessed to have this experience to be her mom, nothing in life can begin to compare! She is our special blessing and I'm so glad she is finally here!!