Tatum's Newborn Photos

Thank you to my super talented friend, Aneisa Calder of Calder Photography, for coming over and taking Tatum's newborn photos! She was super fussy and would NOT cooperate, but Aneisa still got some great shots!!

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Tatum's Birth Story

First off, being a mom is the greatest thing on the planet. Somehow I wasn't prepared for how much my heart would grow and how completely in awe I would be with our tiny little girl. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words the miracle that having a baby really is. All I know is Brian's and my lives have already been completely changed and it's only been two weeks! I wanted to document all my thoughts and feelings before I forget everything. I thought pregnancy brain was a real thing but mom brain is even worse!

So, on the morning of February 22, I woke up at 3:00 am and thought I was having contractions. I had asked a million people what it would feel like when I went into labor and my mom described it best for me when she said it would be like really intense cramps... REALLY intense. I had had some Braxton Hicks contractions before but this definitely felt different. So when I woke up and was having recurring cramping sensations (only magnified), I grabbed my phone, opened up my contraction app and started timing it. When I realized they were steadily coming every 6-7 minutes, I tiptoed downstairs to lay on the couch so I wouldn't wake anyone up. At 5:00 am, they were getting closer to 4-5 minutes apart so I decided to go wake Brian. He immediately jumped out of bed ready to go and I had to convince him to get a shower and take his time getting ready and I went to wake up my mom. My mom and stepdad had arrived on my due date (February 18) and in looking back, I'm so glad I had a few days with them before Tatum arrived to show them around Utah more before I felt like I had to be secluded from all the sick people walking the streets in February. Even though at the time I was so impatient and sick of waiting for baby to arrive!

I woke my mom up and she confirmed I was definitely in labor, helped us load our bags into the car, and I told her I would keep her posted. Brian and I had decided early on we wanted it to just be the two of us in the delivery room and to have some time immediately after for just the three of us.

We got to the hospital a little before 6:00 am and they took me right up to triage to start monitoring my contractions and baby and see how far along I was. By this point my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and I was dying to lay down. I was literally only in triage for 10-15 minutes and the nurse had checked me when she came back in and told us to go home and wait it out! The doctor on rotation didn't even come in to check me, but I was only dilated to a 2 and apparently they won't admit you until you get to a 4. She said the doctor said I wouldn't progress to a 4 in an hour so there was no point for me to wait in triage and I should go home and try to relax during these "early stages of labor." I still think that doctor was on crack and I was convinced I was going to have the baby in the car on the way home. We made it back to the house and I tried to relax, but that's completely impossible and sleep is out of the question when your contractions are 3 minutes apart.

At 9:00, I called my doctor because I was scheduled to have an appointment at 9:30. I asked if they even wanted me to come in because I was in labor and just waiting to go back to the hospital. When I told her my contractions were so close and I had been sent home they told me I needed to come back immediately and my doctor would probably push to have me admitted right away. Ironically, my doctor's office is on the same floor as labor and delivery, so when we got off the elevator and I was trying unsuccessfully to walk down the hall to the doctors office, people from labor and delivery kept trying to bring me a wheelchair and wheel me into L&D. No one believed me that I had already been turned away and needed to go to the doctor!

As soon as I got into the doctor's office, she came right in, checked me and said I was at a 4 and she was having me admitted right away (At this point I could have cried thanking her for not sending me home again, not entirely sure that I wasn't). We got settled into the delivery room around 10 am and the doctor came in to break my water at 11:50 since I had been progressing so slowly and my contractions were still so close together. Shortly after they started me on Pitocin and I got an epidural which finally allowed me (and Brian) to get some sleep for about 3 hours. After upping the Pitocin twice, I jumped from a 6 to a 10 within an hour and we started pushing around 4:30 pm. Almost TWO HOURS LATER (thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion at this point, epidural or not), Tatum Jane was born at 6:25 pm weighing 8 lbs 2 oz, and was 20 inches long. We chose her name a long time ago and kept telling people we were waiting to see her to make sure it fit, but I think we both knew she was Tatum because we didn't have a single back up name going in. I saw Tatum online months ago and when I looked up the meaning, I found it means "brings joy," and that seemed so appropriate. Jane came from a trip to the temple. It was the name of the lady I was doing endowments for the first time Brian and I went to the temple after we knew I was pregnant. We didn't know at the time that we were having a girl but when I got the name, I told Brian I liked it as a middle name and if we had a girl we should make her middle name Jane, so we did!

Every single person that came into the room talked about how much dark hair she had and I almost couldn't believe it. I totally lost my bet about her having blonde hair like me haha. Because she had meconium in her amniotic fluid, we had 6 people from respiratory and the nursery in the room, just in case, when she was delivered. So much for my small intimate labor experience, but it's totally true what people say about how modesty goes completely out the window and you really can care less how many people witness your experience when it's actually happening! It was weird having three times as many people in the room to take care of baby as were there to take care of me, and I was kind of nervous about it, but all the doctors and nurses had Brian very involved and included in everything they did which made me feel better. Even though she came out screaming, her lungs and everything looked and sounded perfect and luckily we didn't need anything from respiratory! She cried for less than 20 seconds and then just looked around wide-eyed, taking everything in while they weighed and measured. When they picked her up off the scale she started screaming again and as soon as they laid her on my chest she immediately stopped crying. I loved my doctor and my labor and delivery nurse was positively incredible. She had just had her first baby 6 months ago and would tell me stories about her labor to help distract me. It was such a positive experience I would highly recommend the hospital and staff!

I thought I would cry the first time I held her but I was just so in awe. It was definitely love at first sight. I remember staring at her and not believing she was finally here and this little person was the same one I had talked to in my belly for nine months. I'm still in awe with how absolutely perfect she is and I can't believe she's already been with us over two weeks, yet somehow I can't remember what life was like without her or how we ever felt like a whole family before she was here.

I love that sometimes I'm the only person that can soothe her. I adore how Brian will come home from work or school and as soon as she hears his voice her eyes get big and she looks around for him, exactly like when she was still in my belly and she would hear his voice and start moving and kicking like crazy. I love seeing Brian with her and seeing what an incredible dad he is already. He's always down to feed her, burp her, or change her diaper and sometimes he'll take her to do one of those things and he disappears with her and I'll find them half an hour later just rocking in her glider or cuddling and hanging out. He makes up silly songs to sing to her and they always calm her down. She's definitely going to be a daddy's girl!

We only stayed in the hospital for one night and wound up leaving around 8:15 pm on the 23rd. I was anxious to get home to my own bed and let my parents have as much time with her while they were visiting as possible. It was heaven having my mom and Joe stay with us for a whole week after Tatum was born! Mom made us dinner every night, cleaned my house, was more than happy to watch baby while I got many much needed naps, and was there to help me deal with all the first time mom mishaps (mainly taking care of myself and dealing with my postpartum emotional-ness!). She came with me to Tatum's first doctors appointment on the 24th and I am so grateful for her wealth of baby knowledge and support. Also, they let us have our first date night post-baby and even though I cried the ENTIRE way to the movie theater because I hated the thought of leaving our baby behind, it was good for us and I'm glad we went haha.

The first few nights sleeping were rough and Tatum woke up what seemed like hourly. Recovery for me was hard due to the fact I have either a bruised/broken tailbone and Brian would get up, change her diaper, and bring the baby to me because it took forever for me to get in and out of bed. Since then it's gotten much better and she sleeps for 4-4.5 hour stretches at night. Because we can't seem to make it to bed before midnight, this usually means we only wake up once around 4:30 to change her and feed her. This also means Brian is only sleeping about 4 hours a night since he usually leaves for work by 5 am (especially this week since he was on spring break from school). School is super annoying this semester and we're counting down the days until he graduates next month!

Wednesday, Tatum had her two week check up and she's almost back up to birth weight (only 3 ounces off) so that was reassuring! After a stubborn rough patch at the beginning, she's becoming a nursing champ and I am one happy/relieved mama! I made Brian hold her when they did her follow up Biliruben exam at the doctor because the first time in the hospital, I think I cried harder than she did! 

She loves her gray elephant boppy from her Aunt Shanna and sometimes putting her on that and holding her hand is the only way I can get her to fall asleep. She has crazy cowlicks and most of the time if I forget to fix her hair, it looks like she has a massive forehead in photos because the hair up front is so fuzzy hahaha. She can sit with a poopy diaper for an hour but if it's just a wet diaper, she will scream like a banshee until we change her! She makes the funniest faces when she hears new voices or strange noises and looks like she's either not impressed or very speculative all the time and it makes us laugh so hard! She already has quite the personality, and we love how she's such a happy baby (usually).

I'm dreading the day I have to go back to work after maternity leave ends, so we're enjoying every day off together, even when we spend it in PJs all day and don't do our hair or leave the house! ;) Luckily I'm only going back part time, and I make myself leave the house a good amount and we've started taking more solo outings together. Before my parents left, we went out to lunch on 25th street and checked out the Aerospace Museum at Hill Air Force Base so that was Tatum's first official outing outside the doctor's appointments. It's crazy how much more prep is involved in stepping outside your front door when you have a baby, but we're adjusting!

I'll add some photos to this of her first two+ weeks so far. Brian has a bunch on his phone from her first few hours in the hospital so I'll have to try to remember to get those. I swear every day I look at her and my heart breaks because she looks a little older and a little bit bigger. Time really does go by too fast! I'm so lucky to be blessed to have this experience to be her mom, nothing in life can begin to compare! She is our special blessing and I'm so glad she is finally here!! 

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Last Post Before Baby!

Wow, so much has happened and I have been sooo bad about recording it! I better do it now before baby comes because I'm sure I'll be falling behind way worse once she arrives!
So my last post was on New Year's Day and our focus ever since has been on getting last minute details ready for baby! I'm down to my weekly appointments now so it's nice to know we're getting close but also frustrating and I'm trying to be patient when it feels like I'm not progressing quickly.
The first weekend of January, we had our childbirth prep class and tour of McKay Dee, which definitely made me feel more prepared and Brian kept talking about how much he learned. The instructor had the "empathy belly" for all the husbands to try on and it was pretty funny. I'll have to include a photo of that!

The second weekend, Aneisa took our maternity photos at Big Cottonwood Canyon and I love them!! I will definitely include those as well! She always does such an amazing job and I'm so lucky to have such a talented friend!!
However, that Sunday we had a bump in the road we didn't anticipate. On Saturday night after the photo shoot, I started feeling sick. My lungs felt super congested and I had a little bit of a fever and sore throat. The next morning I woke up feeling like death so Brian took me to the Syracuse Instacare and what a waste of time that was! The doctor there was terrible. He ran a rapid flu test on me and proceeded to "diagnose" me without doing a dang thing. He told me I had the same thing as everyone else but that since I got the flu shot since I'm pregnant, my test would come back negative and there was nothing he was going to do for me. He wouldn't prescribe me the only thing I can take pregnant, Tamaflu, because he was "looking out for my wallet." At 6 am the next morning, I was in the emergency room with a fever of 102.1. Because my fever was so high, it was causing baby's heart rate to spike and by 11 AM I was admitted to the hospital overnight so they could monitor her. It took over 12 hours for them to get my fever under control and by that point I was so dehydrated they were pumping liter after liter into me via IV. Not a fun time. On top of that, I wasn't allowed to go back to work until the following Monday because I was highly contagious. Normally I'm the type to clean and organize the entire house when I'm stuck at home too long, but this week I was so exhausted all week all I did was sleep and lay on the couch.
When I went in for my weekly appointment that Friday, I was still so dehydrated I spent another couple hours at the doctor's where they gave me two more liters via IV. Not ideal.

I was able to go back to work the following week luckily and since then my days have consisted of working, relaxing at home, finishing the nursery, washing baby clothes and organizing, and waiting for her to show up! My cute young women from church and fellow YW leaders threw me a surprise baby shower the last week of January and that was so fun!

Baby updates.... January 6 was 34 weeks and baby was the size of a pineapple... 35 weeks made her a canary melon, whatever the heck that is and it was also another Friday the 13th (which we love and are lucky for us since we were married on a Friday the 13th). I don't remember what creative fruit or melon they gave for 36 weeks... 37 she was a winter melon (also what is that...?) and this week at 38 she's the size of Swiss chard.
Honestly I think all these fruits and veggies are lies. For a few weeks I was still having issues with my sciatic nerve but now everything else hurts so much I don't even notice it! I feel like a beached whale all the time, my stomach suffocates me when I sit down, I can't even accidentally roll onto my back in my sleep anymore because it's too painful, and my hips ache when I sleep on one side for too long, so I basically toss and turn constantly now and neither Brian or I get any sleep. The whole "sleep before baby comes" advice is total crap because it's impossible.

At my 36 week appointment I was 1/2 cm dilated and 60% effaced, and I told myself I wasn't going to have them check me anymore because it's a no win situation. However, after having terrible cramps and abdominal pain all week, at my 38 week appointment they asked to check me and I let them.... 100% effaced but still only dilated 1/2 cm. Of course I left disappointed like I knew I would because I wasn't any farther dilated, but even if they had said I was I would have had false hope expecting her to be coming any minute.

I went back to work today and the pain and cramps keep getting worse. I know at this point there's nothing I can do but wait, but it would sure be great if this baby would be an overachiever like her mom and show up a few weeks early!! I'll include pictures here, cross your fingers that baby will makes her arrival soon!!! :)

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Kissing 2016 Goodbye

As I sit here in my pajamas watching Brian play on his new Xbox One, I'm thinking about how awesome 2016 was. So many people have had negative experiences this year, and while not every day was a walk in the park for us, we've had it pretty darn easy and we've been blessed in so many ways. Last night we rang in the New Year at our house with great friends, great food, and hilarious games. Brian and I woke up early this morning, went to church (hallelujah we have 9 am church this year), got to attend the farewell of one of my young women before she heads to the Florida Tallahassee Mission, took a nap, and now I'm writing this. It's been a pleasant and relaxing day, and what I hope to be a sign that 2017 will be the same way. I feel guilty that I don't always wake up thinking about all the ways I have been blessed. I would like to say I would make it a New Years Resolution but no one ever keeps those, so I think I will skip that plan and just try to be more grateful for what I have.

Quick recap on December... For months and months, my stepmom and I had a plan for me to fly back to Maryland to surprise my dad for his birthday. It was a special one (but I'll forgo giving away his age here) and I bought my plane tickets back in August. We successfully pulled it off and my dad had no suspicions! I flew home December 1 and got to stay through the weekend before heading home Sunday. Mary picked me up at the airport, we did some shopping, and then she dropped me off at the restaurant and I hid at the bar until they were seated and I made my appearance. Not only did I have some time to finish last minute Christmas shopping and not have to lug it all with me at Christmas, but I also got to spend a day with my mom. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones or maybe it's me getting older and finally starting to appreciate my parents a fraction of the amount they deserve, but this trip and Christmas time I was a wreck leaving the east coast. It's never bothered me this much before being so far from family, but maybe that's what it took for me to finally appreciate how blessed I am to have the wonderful parents and family I have. They are such a wonderful support system to Brian and I and I don't know where we would be without them!

Anyway, off topic. The next weekend we had our ward Christmas breakfast and I had the opportunity to go through the Ogden temple with one of my young women (mentioned previously, and our 2nd counselor in YW with me's daughter) before she heads off on her mission. I'm grateful to all the friends we've made over the last year in our ward, especially my fellow young women leaders. They are such a support and inspiration to me and they teach me so much. It was a great time to go through the temple and focus on Jesus' life during this holiday season.

On the 14th we had our last baby appointment. Baby girl is measuring where she should be, she constantly kicks and wiggles, and she likes to play chicken (as I call it, if she knows someone's hand is on my belly, she immediately stops moving). This week I was having spontaneous fevers again and the doctor had me monitoring it closely. They ran scans and tests and everything came back normal, so we're not sure what was happening. I'm trying not to be a paranoid first time mom and overall I've been blessed with a super mild pregnancy and not many issues. Ever since I've been feeling fine, but I have my next appointment this week so it'll be nice to have a follow up and make sure everything is still good!

The Saturday before Christmas Eve we had the annual Baldwin family Christmas party, and they decided to have it at the Syracuse Rush Aquatic Center again. No swimming for me this year, we didn't need the children calling out the beached whale! But it was nice to see everyone and celebrate the season nonetheless.

The week before Christmas was SUPER busy and somehow I managed not to lose it or forget to do anything important. Brian's big surprise this year came from his amazing friends. 4 of them wanted to team up with me and pitch in to get him an Xbox One. He's literally been bugging me to get one since before we got married (he tried putting it on our wedding registry...). So on Monday the 19th, I planned a big enchilada dinner and had all his friends randomly show up and surprise him. I don't think I've ever seen him so excited and it was nice he had a few days to play before we left on our trip!

Tuesday I had mutual for young women's and Wednesday Brian had ward mission visits, but Thursday we got to celebrate Christmas with a Kirk and Lindy. We went out to dinner and then exchanged presents at our house! We flew out on Friday afternoon back to the east coast and had a smooth flight. We even arrived half an hour early! Spending Christmas at home was so great and my grandma from Florida came into town at my dad's for the week so we got to see them and lots of family! After half the Christmas day in Maryland we packed up and headed to my mom and stepdad's in West Virginia. We were there until the 28th and flew back to Utah on the 29th. While in WV, my mom threw me a baby shower with friends and family from back home and it was amazing! Baby B is beyond spoiled and between the shower and Christmas, we came home with twice as many bags and suitcases as we left with. (*Side note: thank gosh we flew Southwest or our baggage alone would have cost us $200).

Baby Updates:

That Christmas trip marked our last trip pre-baby! The day after we got home marked 33 weeks and baby has grown to the size of a honeydew melon (Brian's favorite). She kicks and wiggles all the time and I can tell she's running out of room because my stomach is constantly moving now and you can see it 24/7 through my clothes. She's most active when I lay down flat at night, but luckily I haven't had too much trouble sleeping yet. People have started asking more and more when I'm due.. You know when a random person at the grocery store has the courage to ask I must look like I'm getting close to popping. My feet are always swollen now and I feel like I rotate between 3 pairs of shoes... All my cute winter boots are mocking me from my closet because I can't fit them on my feet. My back hurts constantly now, so much so that I think I've stopped noticing it because it's just the norm.

When we got home from our trip and I started organizing, I realized just how many things I don't have done. I've kept telling myself I had so much time and I made some excuses based on the fact I knew we would be having another baby shower at Christmas, but now I have no excuses and I've basically spent the last 3 days in the nursery. I would say the nesting phase is finally hitting but anyone who knows me knows it's just the planner in me coming out. Brian has been such a good sport about it though. He spent two hours in Target with me yesterday letting me be indecisive, is always ready to hang or change anything, and is always upbeat, happy, and excited. He's going to be such a great dad!

Because I'm the OCD person that I am, I'm not posting any nursery pictures until it's done, but I will include some of the Christmas and baby shower photos I have! When I get more of the decorations and all the cute stuff my mom made, I'll have to try and remember to add those too!

One last note: because I love the idea of goals and projects with every new year, I did set a goal to be better financially in 2017. Even with Brian in school, with as hard as he works we make a pretty great living for ourselves as young as we are. But there's always room to be better. Brian is a much more frugal and money conscientious person than I am, and it's no secret I'm the big spender in the family. With the baby coming this year and all the other big life plans we have, I've been doing a lot of reading (and Pinteresting) about budgeting. We came across an app called GoodBudget which allows you to have one username that everyone can sign into, you create your envelopes with a certain amount of money for each category, and you just add your spending to it every time you make a purchase. It is by far the easiest, most user-friendly, and detailed app I've come across. It's already helped us to see where all our money is going and adjust our spending (we spend way more in groceries and gas than I thought). If anyone is interested in managing your money better, I highly recommend this app!

I know the next month and a half is going to fly by and baby will be here and we are so excited!! 2017 is going to be the best one yet for sure. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and wonderful New Year with family and friends!

*Future best friends*

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