Tanner is two weeks old, so I wanted to take the time to write this out before the details start to get foggy. So far (after Tanner’s grand entrance that I’m about to tell you about) everything about being a second time mom has been 100x easier than being a first time mom. I’m not sure if that’s because he’s a great baby or I’m just calmer and more relaxed, feeling confident in my abilities? But either way we are all so happy over here in our newborn bubble!
I should have known my delivery would be completely different than it was with Tatum because my whole pregnancy was. I wish I had gotten one last pregnant photo before Tanner made his arrival, but as you’ll soon read, there just wasn’t any time or thought for that! Tatum arrived four days past her due date after 13 hours of labor (2.5 hours of that was actively pushing I should add), so I didn’t really count on Tanner coming early. However, on the morning of Friday, August 2, I had a doctor’s appointment. They checked me and I was dilated to 3 cm, but I hadn’t had any signs of labor yet. I left and Tatum and I went to the park, walked around Target for an hour, and then I proceeded to clean my entire house, all our sheets and bedding, and organized the rest of the baby stuff that was lying around. My mom says this was her first clue I was going to have the baby soon.
We got some good news about the sale of our Utah house that morning, and my parents were due to arrive on Sunday. Basically in my mind, I was so relieved from that, Brian had made it another full week of work without me going into labor, and now I felt I could have baby at any time and the timing would work out perfectly. (We didn’t want Brian taking time off for paternity leave before my parents got here because he and my stepdad were going to work on the house addition while he was off HAHA).
When Brian got home from work that night, we had dinner, he played with Tatum, and we got her into bed at 8 like usual. I decided I was going to go take a bath while Brian submitted some school assignments. I got out of the bath around 8:30, laid down in bed and talked to Brian while he was working, and around 8:45 I felt my first contraction. Because my mom and stepdad hadn’t arrived yet, my cousin Joe and his wife Julie had graciously offered to take Tatum if I went into labor, so I texted Julie around 9:15 and said, “Starting to have some contractions, I'm going to keep track over the next little bit and see where we're at! They just started randomly about an hour ago so we'll see if anything comes of it and I'll keep you posted!” Little did I know...
Less than 20 mins later, I was having such bad contractions I couldn’t even text, so Brian sent her this “Hey guys this Brian, her contractions are getting closer together. I think we may have to take her to the hospital soon. Would it be ok if we drop Tatum off?”
It’s funny to read this now, knowing if he had taken Tatum to their house instead of Julie immediately getting in her car and coming to our house like she did since Tatum was already asleep, I wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. I quickly sobbed and kissed Tatum’s head before ducking out to breathe through another contraction. At 9:57, I called my mom and tried telling her what was happening between contractions while Brian told her we were headed to the hospital. At 10:19, I was checked in at the L&D desk, at 10:50, Tanner was born.
To fill in some extra details... When we got to the hospital, Brian just parked the car at the curb because valet was closed. From sitting down in the wheelchair just inside the hospital door until we rode the elevator to the fifth floor, I had three contractions. They were coming every 30 seconds and I was dying. I remember praying that I was at least 5 cm dilated because that’s what I had to be before they gave me an epidural with Tatum and I NEEDED that epidural NOW. When we got to the desk, they immediately took me back to a room and it took me a good minute to even get into bed. They checked me and I was already at a 7 and progressing FAST.
At this point, Brian actually thought it was important to go move the car SO IT DIDNT GET TOWED. I remember trying to be brave and tell him to go ahead, even though every part of me wanted him to stay. I could barely think and was trying to ask him to stay before finally just telling him to go ahead. In the 5 mins he was gone, I was left alone in the room and suffered through three contractions on my own where I literally thought “I’m going to die here all alone.”
The nurses came back after what felt like an eternity and asked if I had wanted an epidural. When I responded with “yes. Now please.” They informed me “I don’t think you’ll make it, we have to draw blood and hook up your IV,...” etc. etc. and I yelled back “No don’t say that to me!” Apparently I’m very dramatic when I’m in pain.
When Brian got back, I was literally yelling that baby was coming, the nurses said I was at a 9, and the doctor had just walked in. She barely had her gloves on when I could feel my whole body pushing and there was nothing I could do to stop it. To be honest, I was terrified. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a control freak. I don’t like to feel helpless or out of control, and that’s exactly what natural birth is. I didn’t prepare myself or learn breathing techniques or any of that natural birth Jazz because that just wasn’t my plan. I had such a positive experience with my epidural and Tatum’s birth that I wrongly assumed I would be lucky and have the same experience.
The worst part was the pressure and the uncontrollable urge to push that my body was responding to. At some point, my rationale told me to just push with the contractions and get it over with so the pain would stop and I could hold my baby. I definitely remember sobbing and yelling and having no control over the volume of my voice. I probably pushed less than two minutes total and when I finally screamed that I couldn’t do this anymore, everyone informed me that his head was already out and I was almost done. Another push and he was here. It felt like an eternity, yet somehow only 31 minutes passed from when we got to the hospital to when he arrived.
It was the most intense and surreal moment of my entire life. After it was over, my whole body was shaking so bad that I could barely hold him. The adrenaline was so intense and I couldn’t hold my legs still at all. My entire labor was shorter with Tanner than the amount of time I spent pushing alone with Tatum. Time seemed to stand still while I held him for the first time and Brian and I just kept marveling and looking at each other saying I did it, I had him naturally, we can’t believe it, we can’t believe he’s here so fast. We took forever to name him but Tanner Jordan just felt right, and had been what we were leaning toward my entire pregnancy.
I’m still so emotional looking at him because I’m so in love with him. I felt this instant connection to him and his peaceful little spirit calms me daily. He is the sweetest boy, so calm and mellow. He’s so snuggly and squishy and Tatum loves him so much, which has completely vanished all the mom guilt I had before he was born (thank gosh, because I was a WRECK). She’s always asking to hold him and kisses his head and holds his hand. She gets so worried when he cries and tries to share her toys and blankets with him. Basically we are all completely obsessed with him!
He was 7 lbs 9 oz and 21 inches long. He loves to eat and has already started sleeping 6 hour stretches at night as of five days ago! He is the perfect addition to our family and it’s already hard to imagine life without him here! We love you so much, baby boy!
